I can't pray worth shucks. I've tried and tried and haven't given up. But with my track record, I'd suggest one think twice before asking me to pray. People have met their maker and otherwise had the wheels fall off their trucks while I'm praying.
Many years ago I volunteered to pray for an older gentleman in a small church in Texas. His reply has stuck with me, "Couldn't hurt and you could use the practice."
The heart of my problem is that I've read about prayer, answers, miracles, and known some remarkable pray-ers. I understand about prayers of profession, confession, adoration, intercession, and intervention. I understand one should pray believing in the unseen. I understand prayer is conforming to God's will and that prayers are empowered by the Holy Spirit. I understand if I had faith the size of a mustard seed a mountain could be moved. I understand "when two or more are gathered in His name," "ask and it shall be given," "ask anything in my name," "the prayer of the righteous" and more.
I get it. I HAVE seen some near miraculous things. I once prayed for some much needed money and mysteriously got some. I may have been in the presence of angles. I've prayed for my children and they are all still here. I've had just enough glimpses of the Holy to keep me at it.
But I don't really get it. I suppose I'd keep praying if I struck out every time. Couldn't hurt and I still need the practice.
I've prayed and fasted. I've trusted the Spirit for healing and deliverance. I've prayed for children to love and serve God. I've prayed when I didn't know how to pray, like in Romans 8. I've uttered and meditated on the Lord's Prayer at night and while driving to work. I've tried to teach others to learn to pray. I'm pretty sure I'm talking to the Spirit at night before falling asleep.
I've prayed hard and long for some really important things and I've been disappointed more than once or twice. I pray for my children's faith at least 4 times a day and have been for over 30 years.
I'm coming up empty more often than not. I was SO SURE the Spirit was going to heal someone a while back after I talked with the Spirit into the wee hours of the morning on his behalf. So much so I was thoroughly convinced it was as good as done and I said, "Thanks." I told others about my conviction a bad situation was going to work out.
My friend passed away. Just like my father, years ago. Just like my best friend in high school. Just like others I've known and lost.
But I still pray. Another friend DID survive a really critical illness, so....
Not much of a chance of prayer vanity here. If something great happens, it's probably not me!
I'm an ineffective pray-er. I'm sure I must be missing a key ingredient. I suppose. Feel free to comment here. After 55 years, well, 50, years of practice I'm pretty much a failure at intercessory prayer. Though I'm a bit better than average at confessing. I think.
I pray to not suffer, then I do. I pray for patience, then trials come. I pray for healing, then someone dies. I pray for faith, then someone disbelieves. I pray for harmony, then get rebellion. I pray for peace, and get war. I pray for a child's faith, then they turn away. I pray to lose weight, then find another pound.
What's up with this?
Some of it is certainly me. Especially the weight one--I lost 50 pounds this year--fell of the roof and broke my back.
Maybe prayer isn't at all about getting anything. Maybe prayer is sitting in God's living room by a warm fire while the rain falls outside. Prayer doesn't change the weather, but changes how one views the weather.
Maybe there's something good in suffering and I'm getting a double-, or even triple-, blessing.... I'm not kidding. Maybe God has shared suffering with me. Might I be special to Him in this way? Not because I do it so well (I don't) but because Jesus did it so much and so well. Suffering provides a glimpse of the Father most miss. The Father who hurts and cares but doesn't interfere. The Father who had high hopes and plans for Hitler and Stalin, but things didn't work out.
Opps, I've just lost the Calvinists.
Anyway, if God awaits our falling in love with Him, he can, but can't meddle with our will. Love can't happen without volition. So I think God loves and waits for His children to get it. He doesn't have to wait, but He does. Sometimes in suffering and tears. I bet there are days he would say forget your confessing, praising, glorifying, and praying. Show THAT ONE I love him and have wonderful plans for him if he'll only come!
He's given me the opportunity to share His sadness and suffering. So, I continue to pray, we sit in His living room and pass tissues. I still don't get it. It's good though. We smile as we weep because we have each other's back during a sad time.
That's a good thing, right?
